


Sailing Ships and Sealing Wax

by Scouts_Mockingbird



Series: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades AU [3]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Choose Your Own Adventure, Choose Your Own Ending, F/F, F/M, Fun Holiday Fic, None of these characters are straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scouts_Mockingbird/pseuds/Scouts_Mockingbird
Summary: Months after graduating college, a chance encounter brings JD and Heather back into Veronica's life. Unwilling to be alone on Christmas, Veronica accepts JD's invitation to join them. Now, she's spending an evening with two people from her past and she'll have to face feelings that she thought were buried a long time ago.





	1. Merry Fucking Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is setup for the other two chapters, hopefully posted at the same time, which will feature either a Dukesaw ending or a JDonica ending. If you haven't read Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, this will still make some sense, just not as much. Happy Holidays and enjoy!

Veronica ducked her head against the cold, cursing existence and everything that had brought her to this point. 

Her fury at the moment was mostly directed at her parents and their stupid cruise tickets.

“Honey, you don’t mind spending Christmas with your friends, do you?” 

She had, of course, told them that she didn’t mind, except that-- due to a recent move and a new job-- Veronica didn’t have any friends. 

Columbus wasn’t exactly a hostile city, but she’d been looking forward to going home where someone else would take care of her for a little while.

Deep down, she knew this was selfish, but she couldn’t help it. She was lonely, still somewhat unhappy about a breakup from three months ago, and now-- worst of all-- she was cold. Though not all of this was her parents’ fault, she still blamed them to some degree. 

She was, of course, welcome at the Sawyer family Christmas, but without her parents, she didn’t think she could face her extended family after what had happened last time she’d seen them. Spending the holidays alone was preferable, but it still kind of sucked. 

It sucked worse on days like today when she was walking home past all sorts of warm, inviting stores and advertisements, each trying to sell her something that would make the holiday season perfect. 

She glanced briefly at one such storefront, an antique shop with a display of vintage toys clustered around a tree in its window. This quaint little image distracted her for a moment, and she plowed directly into a man walking the opposite direction. 

The instinctive anger flared up, but she quashed it sharply; this wasn’t a time for confrontations. 

His large hands had caught her shoulders, steadying her, and she carefully stepped back before lifting her head to meet his eyes. 

His very familiar and still disarmingly green eyes. 

“Oh my god.” 

He was staring at her, shocked, his cheeks flushed with cold and his eyes bright. “Veronica?” 

“JD. Oh my god, I can’t believe it.” On an impulse, she stepped forward and hugged him. 

He was frozen for exactly as long as it took her to wonder how badly she’d violated his boundaries before he reached up to hug her back. “I’m so happy to see you,” He whispered into her hair. 

Veronica was at a loss for words. Too many emotions swirled through her head and her heart to keep track of anything she might have said to him. 

The slow, back-burner sadness she’d felt for so long after they’d lost touch bubbled to the surface. It shouldn’t be a shock to see him. Four and a half years wasn’t so long; she should have known he was in the city at least. 

“It’s--” 

“Do you want to grab coffee?” He said the words so fast she almost missed them. 

Shifting slightly to avoid the crowd that was pressing past them, Veronica nodded. “Sure.” 

Minutes later, they were settled in a booth at Starbucks, cradling overpriced drinks and awkwardly avoiding eye contact. 

“How long have you been in Columbus?” JD asked finally. 

“A couple months. I tried to make it in Chicago but everything is so goddamn expensive. Things are cheaper here while I get on my feet.” 

JD nodded. “Heather and I have been here since graduation. We never thought we’d end up in Ohio but we took the jobs we got.” 

“Heather… Duke?” Another person Veronica had lost touch with. Another regret she tried not to think about. 

“Yeah,” JD laughed awkwardly. “We lived together for all four years of school and we still do.” 

“Are you… together?” It seemed impossible; Heather had identified as a lesbian when they’d been in high school, but living together for nearly five years meant it had to be something more, right? 

He snorted, choking slightly on his coffee. “No, Heather’s very gay, but we suit each other. When we’re both single Heather calls us queerplatonic life partners.” 

“Oh.” A sharp, uncharitable stab of jealousy shot through Veronica; she didn’t have anyone like that in her life. 

_ I was her friend first,  _ She wanted to snap. 

_ I was her friend better,  _ JD replied in her head. 

She doubted he would say that, but she didn’t test it. Instead she smiled. “I’m glad she’s doing well.” 

“She’s amazing. She got a job in sales immediately after graduation and now she pays most of our rent.” 

“Sounds like Heather. What are you doing?” 

He shrugged. “Interning at a radio station while I figure shit out.” It was the first time he’d been remotely evasive, so she noticed immediately. 

Before she could ask, he cut in. “You?” 

It was her turn to shrug. “I’m working at a children’s book publishing company.” It was just okay, and not really where she wanted to be, but given how many of her English and Creative Writing major friends were working in bars and cafes, she had to admit she was lucky. 

They lapsed into silence, and Veronica’s eyes darted around like she might find a topic of conversation on the walls or out the window next to her. 

She took a sip of her coffee-- a black Americano with enough sugar so as to be disrespectful to coffee snobs everywhere-- and shuddered at the burnt-toast aftertaste that lingered under all the sweetener. 

“Do you have plans for the holidays?” JD asked. 

Veronica let out a breath, relieved to have something to say, even if it wasn’t a good answer. “Not really. My parents won a cruise, so I’ll just be here. I can’t really deal with the rest of my family without my parents.” 

He smiled softly. “Yeah, they’re a lot to handle.” 

That little acknowledgement of their shared history made her smile, though it was a sad one. Why had she let them fall out of touch? 

Shaking away her sadness, she adjusted her smile into something moderately cheerful. “What about you?” 

“I spend Christmas with Heather. Her parents are in Europe and my dad’s place is too small for guests so it’ll just be us.” 

“That sounds really nice,” Veronica said, secretly envious. 

“You should join us.” 

Veronica was sure they both looked a little surprised that he’d said it, but the words were out there, and now she had to answer him. 

“I… I couldn’t. I don’t want to impose.” But she wanted to go. 

JD shook his head. “You wouldn’t be. We don’t really do anything fancy, but it’s nice. You can stay over Christmas eve and we’ll spend the morning together.” 

“I don’t know…” It had been so many years since she’d spent any time with them. Could she really do this? 

“Look, you don’t have to, but here’s my number if you change your mind. We’d love to have you.” He grabbed a napkin off the table and scrawled his number on it. “I should get going, but feel free to use that.” 

With that, he stood up, put his coat on, and walked out, leaving Veronica to stare at the numbers scrawled in his even, narrow handwriting. 

* * *

“You did WHAT?” Heather said, leaping to her feet and nearly knocking her chair over. “Jason Dean, what the hell were you thinking? It’s--”

“It’s Veronica, Heather, come on.” 

“Yes, the girl who happens to be the one that got away from  _ both of us! _ You can’t just invite her to Christmas without asking!” 

“Heath, you didn’t see her. She looked so lonely, I just--” 

“God, you are such a sucker.” Heather shook her head, but the beginnings of a fond smile were starting to curl around her lips, fighting past her obvious exasperation. 

He smiled, feeling like he’d won. “I had to offer. I mean, she did the same thing for me once upon a time.” 

“I can’t believe you still feel that way about her after all these years.” Heather shook her head. 

JD shrugged evasively, not really wanting to get into this with Heather. Yesterday, he would have said that his feelings for her were long buried, but looking at her once had been emotional necromancy. “It’s not like that.” 

“So what’s it like?” Heather sat back down and propped her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. 

Rolling his eyes at her over-eager expression, JD shrugged. “I wanted to help her. She seemed lonely, and she helped me out of that once. I guess I feel like I owe her a favor. After all, if it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be friends.” 

“Ah, yes,” Heather said, “The most successful friendship ever born out of loving the same girl.” 

“Besides,” JD continued. “She probably won’t call.” 

“But what if she does?” Heather met his eyes, her expression uncharacteristically serious. “Is she fair game?” 

“What?” 

“To flirt with. We’re both single JD, and as I mentioned, she’s our one that got away. I don’t buy that you haven’t thought about this too.” 

JD glanced away, raking a hand through his hair. The truth was, he had thought about it. Veronica was as beautiful as ever, and JD’s last relationship had ended three months earlier. If she called him, there really wasn’t anything stopping him from trying to rekindle what they’d had in high school. 

But there wasn’t anything stopping Heather, either. 

_ I had my chance,  _ He thought.  _ Maybe I should give Heather hers.  _

“I don’t… I don’t want to fight over a girl with you, Heather.” 

“She’s not just a girl, JD. She’s Veronica.” 

“Good point, but I still mean it.” Though it would have been awkward to say it, he valued his relationship with Heather far too highly to risk it over anything; even a second chance with Veronica. 

Heather chewed her lip. “Maybe… Maybe we should just let her deal with it. If she comes, we both flirt with her, and if she responds to someone, the other backs off; no hard feelings.” 

“Right,” JD said. “No hard feelings. Except…” 

“What?” 

“What if she responds to both of us? That’s not exactly out of the question, is it?” 

Heather smiled wryly. “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.” 

JD shrugged and let the subject drop. She wasn’t going to call. 

“Anyway,” Heather said, standing. “We have a tree to decorate and a bad Christmas movie to mock.” 

“Did you pick another Merry Het-mas movie?” JD groaned. He was all for making fun of bad Christmas movies, but Heather’s obsession with terrible holiday romances was starting to drive him insane. 

“You’ll love this one, it’s--” 

“Exactly like all the others? Can’t we watch… Anything else?” 

“Nope. It’s my turn to pick the movie.” 

“You’re a pest.” 

Heather grabbed a pillow off the couch and hurled it at him. Catching it easily, he tossed it back at her and it glanced off her shoulder. 

Rather than reusing the ammunition, Heather leaned over and ran full tilt at JD, knocking him squarely on his ass with her on top of him. 

Still catching his breath, JD shoved Heather off, groaning but laughing. 

They lay side by side, for a moment. 

“I don’t want her to change this,” JD said. 

Heather shrugged. “But isn’t there a part of you that wants to go back to it? Remember everything we did back then. I want to live like a folk hero again.” 

“Those were the days,” JD agreed, remembering the semester they’d spent locked in a prank war to undermine Heather Chandler’s authority. 

“Not that I miss Westerburg!” Heather said. 

JD nodded. “High school was hell.” 

“But we had fun, didn’t we?” 

“Oh, hell yeah.” 

They both sighed, lapsing into a reminiscent silence. JD thought they were both probably focusing their memories on one specific person, be he didn’t bring her up again. 

After a minute, Heather said, “So… Beer?” 

“I’ll get them; you start the movie.” 

Beaming, Heather launched herself onto their secondhand couch,settling into the most comfortable spot while JD dragged some weird hipster beer out of the back of their fridge. 

“What even is this? Why is there a zombie santa on the front?” He handed Heather her bottle, sniffing his apprehensively. 

“Leftover from when I was seeing Skye. She was super into weird local brews. This is their speciality Christmas one.” 

He took a sip and coughed. “Jesus it tastes like fucking mint. That’s horrible.” 

Heather nodded. “Yep.” She took a long sip from hers, making a face. 

“We’re still going to drink this, aren’t we?”

“Yep.” 

“We need standards.” 

“You first.” 

He rolled his eyes and took another sip while the movie started. 

“This movie matches the beer,” JD said after it had played for a few minutes. 

Heather snorted. “Vaguely holiday inspired but otherwise boring and terrible?” 

Laughing, he put his arm around her shoulders. “You stole my joke.” 

“That’s because I’ve heard all your jokes, asshole.” She laughed, poking him in the kidney before leaning back into him. 

* * *

_ This is exactly what you want,  _ Heather thought to herself harshly.  _ Why would you fuck up the only really successful relationship you’ve had? _

Possibly because the only successful relationship she’d had was with a guy, and it wasn’t even remotely romantic. 

And the person in question, the one who might be able to mess this up, was  _ Veronica.  _ Though Heather had been claiming for years that she’d gotten over her, there was a part of her that always knew it was a lie. 

Veronica Sawyer had not been the first girl Heather had been attracted to, or the first girl she wanted to date in high school, but she had been the best. Of all the other silly, self-destructive crushes Heather had had, Veronica was the one she’d stuck with. Possibly because she had remained friends with the guy who’d ultimately gotten with her, and not with Veronica. 

He was being just as pensive as she was, which put a damper on their usually jovial holiday movie night. 

_ Why aren’t we making jokes about heteronormativity?  _ Heather wanted to ask. 

Instead, she said, “You know, he kinda looks like that guy you went out with for a little while this summer. 

“Cade?” JD asked, cracking a smile. 

“God what a dumb name. What happened to him?” 

“Moved to Chattanooga with his band. It wasn’t going to work out.” 

Heather knew that, but joking about characters resembling their exes was a running joke they had, and she was desperate for any conversation. She bumped her beer against his in solidarity. 

“Hey what happened with that girl you went out with last week? She was cool, right?” JD turned his attention away from the couple on-screen, who had just nearly kissed before a side character awkwardly interrupted them. 

She groaned. “It was terrible. Not that she was bad or anything but it was just… so awkward. I asked if she liked to read, she said no, she asked if I listened to some podcast, I said no. She asked if I was vegan; no. It was just… no.” 

“Damn.” 

“Are we unlovable?” Heather asked, keeping her tone light. 

JD scoffed. “Of course not, we love each other.” 

Heather smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. “Not exactly what I meant. I mean… you’re great but I’m a lesbian.” 

He pretended to be shocked. “What? But all this time I thought we were playing a slow game with delicate push and pull, waiting for one of us to give in to the obvious tension between us.” 

“Stop now or I hurt you,” Heather said, grabbing a pillow. 

“I can’t believe you’re friendzoning me, I mean have you ever been with--” 

She swung the pillow at his face, and he was so caught up in his monologue that he didn’t notice until it had met its mark. 

“Fuck you,” He shouted gleefully, grabbing his own ammunition. 

Heather moved the beers out of the way and just in time to block his throw and grab the pillow from his hands. 

Their apartment was nice, but not as well decorated as Heather would have liked. The only advantage was that the couch didn’t have enough pillows for him to reload, leaving her with both of them, and all the power. 

She came at him swinging, smacking him on each shoulder a few times before he managed to wrestle the pillows out of her hands and toss them across the room. 

Their laughter slowly expired into breathlessness and then silence as they returned their attention to the movie, where the couple had just had some kind of misunderstanding. 

“It’s too bad they don’t just talk to each other,” Heather said. 

JD nodded, watching them with a curiously sad expression. 

The rest of the film went by predictably. Heather watched as an old woman talked some sense into the leading man, and he rushed off to stop the girl from making some mistake, catching her just in time to make a dramatic, poorly written speech while snow fell around them. 

The characters hugged; the credits rolled, and somehow watching two people in love made Heather lonelier than ever. 

“Hey, JD?” 

“Mhm?” He shifted, and Heather bit back a smile at his sleepy, confused eyes. 

“Why didn’t we keep talking to Veronica?” 

He sighed. “I stopped talking to her when she broke up with me. I wanted to be friends but… It hurt.” 

Heather remembered the rather dramatic depression JD had sunk into in the beginning of their freshman year after Veronica had broken up with him. 

For the first couple days, he’d only managed to drag himself out of his room for the mandated freshmen orientation activities, and the first time he’d gone out, Heather had practically had to drag him by his collar. 

“I was always surprised that you didn’t keep in touch though,” JD continued. 

She shrugged, not sure how to articulate her reasoning. It had been hard to see him miserable, and a part of her had been angry still that Veronica had never given her a chance. The distance and the busyness of college had provided Heather with a good excuse to move the fuck on from high school bullshit. 

And yet here was high school bullshit barrelling back into her life. 

Merry fucking Christmas. 


	2. Duke The Halls (Reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plan was to post both chapters at the same time but there's a very good chance I won't finish the other one so I'll just post this one. Feedback has been slow/negative lately so I'm struggling to find motivation. You may see less of my stuff in the coming weeks. This was fun though, so enjoy!

It took more courage than Veronica wanted to admit to pick up the phone and call the number JD had left on the napkin. A part of her was praying that no one would answer it, but she knew she wasn’t that lucky. 

“Hello?”

Veronica ignored the odd stab of emotion she got when she heard his voice. “Hi, JD? It’s Veronica.” 

“Oh. Hi. I… I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.” 

She paused. “Well, um, hi. I… you know what, never mind.” 

“Wait, Veronica! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. What’s up?” 

Now that he was being nice, it was much harder to hang up the phone, though she still desperately wanted to. “I was wondering… I don’t want to intrude, but if you meant what you said, I would like to have something to do Christmas Eve.” 

He paused for a beat longer than she would have liked. “Of course I meant it. We’d love to have you.” 

Veronica exhaled. “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” There was another pause, though slightly less awkward than the others. “We probably won’t be doing much during the day, but we’ll cook dinner so feel free to come over whenever in the afternoon.” 

“Should I bring anything?” Veronica was a decent cook-- probably better than JD at least-- though her finances were a little tight at the moment. 

JD laughed. “All we have to drink right now is this really disgusting Christmas beer, if you’d like to bring… anything that’s not that, we’d appreciate it.” 

“Okay, I can bring wine or something.” Veronica hadn’t been much of a wine drinker in college, favoring vodka for the nights when she needed to finish a paper without thinking, but she saw the merit in learning to tolerate it now that she’d graduated. 

“Excellent,” JD said. “And Veronica?” 

“Yeah?” She didn’t like the way he’d paused. 

“I’m glad you’re coming. We’re really looking forward to having you.” 

“Oh. Thanks, JD.” 

Veronica hung her phone up and went back to her current editing project, the tenth entry in a popular children’s chapter book series. Her goal was to have it done before Christmas so she could stop thinking about Sara-Lynn and the Cave Pirates for at least a few days. 

Unfortunately, she couldn’t keep her mind on the monotonous task of noting misused commas. 

_ We’re really looking forward to having you.  _

Veronica envied how casually he’d used the word “we”. She missed being a part of a casual “us”. 

She didn’t want to think that maybe the last time she’d had that was when she was with JD and Heather and they’d been joyously wreaking havoc on their high school. 

“Those were the days,” She murmured, before attempting to give the manuscript in front of her her full attention. 

“Hey, Veronica?” 

Oh shit. “Yeah, Cassie?” Veronica braced herself. 

“Okay, so my cat is like, super sick, and the vet is packed because everyone is trying to get their pets in for checkups before the holidays so the  _ only  _ time I could get an appointment was right now and well…” Cassie trailed off. 

Veronica knew where this was heading-- it was Cassie’s usual MO-- but she refused to cave and ask. 

“I have to go, but I’m supposed to finish the blog post for today about favorite children’s holiday books? You know how much I hate to ask--” 

“I’m sure you do,” Veronica muttered. 

Cassie either didn’t hear her or chose to ignore it. “Do you mind finishing it up for me? I’ll send you the document I have open and you can just add the last little bit and post it?” 

Without waiting for any kind of answer, Cassie dove forward and hugged Veronica. “Veronica you’re an absolute star, I knew you’d understand that this is the most important thing for me to do!” 

“You’re beautiful,” Veronica said to Cassie’s departing back, rolling her eyes. 

Moments later she received an email from Cassie with a basic outline of something that might have become a blog post with significant adjustments. 

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” 

Seeing as Veronica was not a connisseur of children’s holiday books, she had to put too much time coming up with titles to put on the list and ensure that her reccommendation sounded like she’d read it. After that, it was formatting, and by the time Veronica was done, her work day was almost over. 

After signing her name and posting the blog, Veronica collected the manuscript and sighed. To stay on track she would have to bring the damn thing home and finish it.

To avoid speaking to her coworkers in the elevator, Veronica checked her voicemail, finding one from her uncle. 

“So sorry to hear you can’t make it to Christmas this year, Bryce’s wife was looking forward to seeing you again. Merry Christmas!” 

Bryce’s wife. Veronica shuddered remembering the sugar-sweet blond woman from this summer, who’d oh-so-kindly asked Veronica not to bring her girlfriend to the wedding because she “Just didn’t want it to get political.” 

The rage Veronica had felt, sitting in that stupid barn watching her cousin get married while she sat alone, stewing bubbled up again when she thought about her. 

Anything was better than having to help Annabelle cook dinner and watch her pretend to be tolerant. Especially considering Veronica’s relationship with Erica had ended partially because Veronica hadn’t refused to go to the wedding. 

Yet another regret. 

_ Move on, Veronica, _ She thought. And she was. 

Finally. 

Celebrating Christmas with you ex boyfriend and his best friend who used to be your best friend who had a crush on you was definitely some kind of moving on. Right? 

When she got home, her roommate Dana was in the kitchen talking on the phone. Her thick New York accent filled the small space and Veronica hurried into her room to avoid interacting, already battling a headache. 

On most days, Veronica liked Dana. She was easy to live with and didn’t try too hard to be friends, something Veronica appreciated in a roommate. Other times, when Dana’s homesickness got bad or she was arguing with her boyfriend, Veronica would have given anything for some form of soundproofing. 

Pulling on her headphones, Veronica began the tedious task of scanning through the manuscript again, searching for mistakes. She would have to hand this to one of her managers, who would also read and edit it, and anything Veronica missed would count against her, so she attempted to get her whole attention on the job. 

About two hours and two read-throughs later, Dana knocked on her door. 

“Hey, I got leftovers, you want any?” 

Little else would have called Veronica out of her room, but she was hungry and her own food supply was running a little low. With the temperatures as low as they were, she hadn’t been willing to go grocery shopping. 

She joined Dana in the kitchen and accepted a bowl of some kind of stew with gratitude. 

“You doing anything for Christmas?” Dana asked. 

Veronica nodded. “I’m spending it with a couple friends in town.” She was glad not to have to lie. 

“Huh. I didn’t know you had friends,” Dana said conversationally. “I’m going back home. I’ll spend Christmas eve with my family and the day with Rick and his family. Are you spending the whole thing with your friends?” 

“Yeah, I’ll probably spend the night there.” Veronica felt her stomach flip strangely when she thought about it. Where would she sleep? 

“Are you bringing a gift? I have no idea what to bring to shit like that.” 

Veronica dropped her head into her hands with a groan. “I was thinking about bringing wine but I should bring something else on top of that, shouldn’t I?” 

“No, everyone loves wine. Actually, I got a couple bottles stored up from this guy I went to school with. His parents own a vineyard in Spain.” 

“Holy shit.” Veronica knew Dana had rich friends but that was something else. 

“I know, right?” She laughed. “He’s a sweet guy, but he keeps proposing to me.” 

“Oh. Um--” 

“He’s gay, but he wants a wife as a… what’s it called when a gay guy has a wife?” 

“A beard?” 

“Yeah, that. He’s asked me four times and I keep saying no. His parents know and everything, I don’t know why he keeps trying. Hang on, I’ll show you.” Dana disappeared into her room. 

Grateful for the break, Veronica took a deep breath, feeling exhausted from listening to Dana’s rapid fire conversation. 

Dana bounded back into the room holding a wine bottle. “See look, his parents released this in his honor a year after he came out and he gives them to all his friends all the time.” 

Veronica took the bottle, which had a rainbow label and the word “Orgullo” across it. “Can… Can I have this?” 

“Yeah, sure. I’ve got a bunch and I don’t even like red blends that much.” She shrugged. She returned to her room and emerged again with two more bottles, one white and another bottle of Orgullo. “Take these too, I need to clear space in my wine fridge.” 

Ignoring the fact that her roommate had a previously unmentioned fridge specifically for wine in her room, Veronica took the bottles. 

“Thank you so much, this really means a lot to me.” 

Dana shrugged again. “Don’t mention it. I didn’t get you a present.” 

Veronica smiled. “I didn’t get you anything either.” 

“You don’t have to. I have ten nieces and I get to tell them that my roommate knows the chick that writes those Sara-Lynn books they all love.” 

Though she didn’t actually know the author-- Veronica was an assistant editor’s assistant and never interacted with the authors directly-- she didn’t correct Dana. “If I had a signed copy to give them, I would.” 

“They’d probably just eat it or something.” 

“How old are they?” Though the books weren’t complex, they were chapter books, and difficult enough that you probably had to know not to eat paper in order to understand them. 

“Like ten or something. I don’t know anything about kids.” 

Veronica laughed and went back to her stew while Dana returned to her room to call her boyfriend. 

They next few days were busy, and Veronica didn’t see Dana again until she was packing up to leave. 

“Have fun with your friends, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Dana called as she wheeled a massive suitcase out the door. 

Veronica waved. “I won’t. Merry Christmas!” 

The door shut, leaving Veronica in the apartment alone. 

She spent the next two days, which she had off of work because of her religious boss’s dedication to “keeping the season holy”, doing mostly nothing. Though she had been dreaming about starting a new writing project, as soon as she sat in front of her laptop she found herself unable to think of a single interesting idea. 

This trend continued until Christmas Eve. 

When she had curled her hair and found something festive and yet comfortable to wear, Veronica grabbed the bottles of wine and poured herself into an Uber. 

It was too late to turn back now. 

* * *

Heather beat JD to the door, flinging it open with far too much enthusiasm when Veronica knocked. “Hi!”

Veronica took half a step back, pushing the bottles of wine she held in front of her like an offering. “Heather!” 

There was a long beat of silence before Veronica said. “Hi. How… How are you?” 

She had to duck her head and look away. Was it possible that she’d forgotten the exact shade of Veronica’s eyes? The way that they looked so soft and warm and dark she almost expected to see stars scattered across them. 

“I’m… good.” 

“You look… good.” 

“You too.” 

The moment caught, suspended between them in a way that wasn’t awkward, but would be if someone called attention to it. 

JD sidled up next to her. “Are you going to let her in?” 

The awkwardness crashed in and Heather blushed, jumping out of the way so Veronica could enter. 

“Hey look, she brought gay wine,” JD said, taking one of the bottles from her. 

A faint pink painted Veronica’s cheeks, though Heather couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or embarrassment. “Yeah, um, my roommate has this friend and he’s gay and his parents own a vineyard.” 

“Is he single?” JD asked, crossing to the kitchen to grab a few mugs; they had broken their last wine glasses a couple weeks ago during a game night. 

Suddenly mortified at the state of their apartment, Heather cursed herself for not going out to buy new glasses and she cursed JD for inviting Veronica on such short notice. 

“I don’t know. All I know is that he’s spanish and he wants a wife for appearances.” 

JD shrugged. “I could live with both those things.” 

Veronica snorted, which broke some of the tension that was currently choking Heather and she managed a small giggle. 

“So how have you two been? Your place is great.” Veronica’s appreciation seemed genuine as she wandered around the main room and perched on the arm of the couch. 

“We’re good.” Heather smiled. “Thank you. Yeah, we moved in here this spring, it’s been nice.” 

“And you lived together before that?” 

“All through college,” JD answered with pride. “Almost no one stuck with their freshman year roommate, but we did.” He held out his fist and Heather bumped it with hers. 

“Solidarity,” She laughed. 

Veronica’s eyes had gone sad. “I didn’t stick with my freshman year roommate, she was a nightmare. All my roommates have been nightmares except for Dana.” 

“That’s your roommate now? What’s she like?” 

“Loud,” Veronica said. “She works in fashion merchandising and she’s basically counting the days until her boyfriend proposes so she can move back to New York. Her heart’s in the right place though; she gave me the wine.” 

Heather glared at JD. “Why don’t you ever give me wine?” 

“All our food and alcohol is communal?” He shrugged. “Speaking of food, how long do we have?” 

Glancing at the oven, Heather did some quick math. “Probably not too long.” 

She accepted the mug JD offered her and took a cautious sip of pride wine. 

“Does it taste gay?” JD asked, arching an eyebrow. 

Heather hesitated, considering. “Yes. Gay with notes of cherry and a faint spice aftertaste.” 

“You’re so full of shit,” JD muttered. 

“Yeah but it’s fancy shit.” 

Veronica laughed, watching them, and Heather caught the note of sadness in her eyes. 

Wanting to make it go away, Heather brought Veronica her wine and said, “JD told me you’re in publishing; what’s it like?” 

“Mostly editing,” Veronica said. The sadness disappeared, cleanly wiped away by a disgruntled expression. “Some of the books are good or cute but… it’s not where I would have chosen to be.” 

Heather nodded thinking of her own rather boring job. “I understand.” She had wanted to be in sales, and she was good at it, but she hated how much she looked forward to the weekends or longed to be able to clock out. She knew she spent most of her time wishing she was somewhere else, doing something else. 

“I don’t hate my job,” JD said, sounding a little proud. 

“You don’t get paid,” Heather shot back. This wasn’t technically true; JD made an approximation of minimum wage, but Heather mocked him for it anyway. 

He had had a rough time figuring out what he wanted. Though JD had always been smart, finding a way to apply his interests into something that paid had been a struggle. He had joined and left a handful of bands and attempted to sell out for a job with a decent paycheck, but he’d had to quit after a month.

There was a lot Heather would put up with, but she couldn’t live with miserable JD.It made her sad to see him sad and then they were both sad which led to their apartment getting messy and then Heather completely spiraled. 

When he’d quit that job she had been nothing but relieved, even if it meant her rent went up. 

Now that he was (more or less) happily entrenched in his internship, things were easier. 

Wishing to change the subject, Heather pointed at her glass. “This is good, Veronica.” 

Veronica shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m more of a vodka person.” 

“God I remember that. Remember the time we all robbed our parents’ liquor cabinets and went to the lake for a weekend?” Heather laughed.

“After prom? Yeah, barely.” 

“That’s because of the vodka,” JD supplied. 

Veronica glared at him. “Well how much do you remember?” 

“Nothing, but it was because of the whiskey.” 

“You both have problems,” Heather said, rolling her eyes. She rarely drank, finding that the sick feeling that often resulted wasn’t worth it. 

After everything she’d put herself through, she hated feeling any kind of nauseous. 

Speaking of nauseous, Heather hoped they would stop talking about prom. Heather had gone with a girl she had met in a support group, and they’d had a good time, but Naya hadn’t wanted to join them on their weekend trip, leaving Heather feeling a little left out, though that may have had something to do with the crush she’d never quite gotten over. 

The silence delved into the awkward again, and Heather cringed, wishing the couch would swallow her so she didn’t have to deal with the weirdness of this situation. 

_ It could have been a quiet night in with JD,  _ She thought with some regret. 

But that’s what most of her nights looked like, and though Heather wasn’t extremely into holidays, she believed they should be at least a little different from every other day. 

A timer went off in the kitchen, startling all three, who then all found various ways to make it look like they hadn’t been startled at all. 

Heather pushed some of her hair behind her ear and stood. “I’ll go check on dinner.” 

Veronica jumped up as well. “Do you need any help?”

Without waiting for an answer, Veronica followed Heather across the room and to the small block of counter that delineated the kitchen from the living room. 

“I’ll be right back; my dad is calling me.” JD sounded surprised, but he stood up and stepped into his bedroom to take the call. 

Heather watched with some concern. It wasn’t her business how JD felt about his dad, but Heather wasn’t exactly a fan of the man who appeared to forget he had a son for weeks at a time before suddenly remembering and sending money and dashing out a quick text. JD was fine with it, insisting that this situation worked for them, but Heather thought he deserved better. 

“Are you okay?” Veronica asked, her eyes searching Heather’s face as she started rooting around the kitchen for silverware and plates. 

“Yeah.” Heather shrugged, pulling food out of the oven. “I just… JD’s dad is…” 

“I remember,” Veronica said quietly. “I used to be kind of jealous of him.” 

“Me too.” For a moment, Heather allowed herself to meet Veronica’s eyes and recognize the girl who had once been her best friend rather than her first love. “Now I just think we all deserved better parents.” 

“Mine were okay,” Veronica said. “They didn’t always ‘get it’ whatever that means, but I think they cared. And they were fine with JD which, let’s be honest not all parents would have been.” 

Heather snorted at that, remembering JD as he had looked in high school. He had gotten better in recent years, mostly abandoning the homeless chic looked he’d preferred for many years. “My parents would have hated him, though probably not as much as they hated the first girl I dated.” 

Veronica flinched visibly at that. “Have they… come around?” 

“They deal with it.” Heather shrugged. “We don’t talk a lot, but when we do they try to at least ask if I’m seeing someone. It’s the best I can hope for.” 

“I’m sorry,” Veronica whispered, reaching out to touch Heather’s arm. 

Heather met her eyes and saw something deep and soft in them, as if Veronica were apologizing for much more than Heather’s parents’ idiocy. 

It was the perfect kind of tense, drawn tight like the string of a violin, which-- if played correctly-- would create something beautiful. 

“Heather…” Veronica looked away, her breath seemed odd, too fast and too slow at the same time. 

“What--” 

“Do you need any help?” JD emerged from his bedroom, looking cheerful and oblivious. 

_ I’m going to kill you,  _ Heather thought at him, trying to contain her glare. “We’re fine, just take this to the table,” She said. 

He wandered over and took the pan from her hands, glancing between Veronica and Heather with confusion. 

Heather brushed past him, fighting the urge to ask him what he saw. 

* * *

Veronica didn’t know what she might have said if JD hadn’t burst in.

The things that had been on her lips varied from “We should get coffee” to “I wish I’d known I was bi when we were friends”. Part of her had even considered kissing her, because she was curious and because something was drawing her to Heather. Perhaps it was the new, quiet confidence she exuded, which Veronica envied, or maybe these feelings had been there forever and Veronica simply hadn’t noticed them. 

Dinner was good. Veronica ate and managed to make small talk, stealing glances at Heather whenever she could, more than once realizing that though Heather remained oblivious, JD was watching her. 

Guilt twisted in her stomach. Did he still have feelings for her? She regretted the awkward way their relationship had ended but she had changed too much. 

If he liked her, did she have a shot with Heather? The two of them were so close, and Veronica would hate to come between them, but… 

_ You’re selfish.  _

Maybe that was true, but it didn’t mean that her heart didn’t skip a beat whenever Heather smiled at her. 

Maybe it was true, but shouldn’t Heather be allowed to decide for herself? 

_ Would you really make her choose between you and her best friend? Her roommate?  _

Of course Veronica knew she wouldn’t do that, but she also didn’t think JD would. 

The next time he caught her eye, he smiled wryly, nodding once as his eyes darted between her and Heather. 

Veronica didn’t want to read too much into it, but she hoped he was saying “I see you, and I get it. Good luck.” 

By the time Heather brought out the gingerbread, Veronica’s heart felt like it might give out, and she wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time. 

“Heather!” She said, then realized she actually had nothing to say. Rapidly taking a bite of gingerbread, she smiled. “This is good.” 

JD dropped his head into his arm, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter. 

Heather looked confused, but nonetheless pleased. “Thanks.” 

Veronica glared at JD. 

When they were finished eating, Heather grabbed the remaining bottle of pride wine. “Christmas movie or card game?” 

“Cards!” JD said. 

Nodding her agreement, Veronica followed them back to the couch. At this point, she’d had enough to drink that her head was a pleasant kind of full and dizzy, and she settled easily onto the floor next to Heather when they gathered around the coffee table. 

They played a round of Cards Against Humanity, which devolved into randomly discussing memories from high school. 

“God, you know what I’m thankful for?” Veronica said, giggling as she took another sip from the bottle they were passing. “Not having to coordinate my outfit with Heather Chandler’s for the McNamara’s New Year’s party.” 

“Oh my god,” Heather groaned. “That was such a nightmare.” 

“You looked hot in that tux you wore that year though.” Veronica didn’t have to specify which year she meant; they all knew. 

Heather blushed. “I did, didn’t I?” 

“What are you doing New Year’s Eve this year, Veronica?” JD asked. His head was dropping back onto the couch despite the fact that he’d had the least to drink of all of them. 

Veronica rolled her eyes. “Nothing. Maybe I’ll work or something.” 

“God that’s lame,” Heather said. “We’re not doing anything either.” 

“Actually,” JD said. “I’m not… A couple days ago this guy I know invited me to a party. I wasn’t going to go but…” Once again, Veronica saw him glance between her and Heather. “I don’t know I’m thinking about it.” 

“Maybe… Veronica looked at Heather, realizing she was about to do something she couldn’t take back. “Maybe you should come over, Heather. My place isn’t fancy but we could…” 

“I’d like that,” Heather said with a smile, “I’ll bring the wine this time.” 

* * *

Heather could barely keep herself from squealing. This was a date, right?

JD hadn’t mentioned the invitation; Heather suspected it was just an excuse so she and Veronica could have an evening to themselves, and though she wished she felt bad for him, all she could feel was excitement. 

“I’m going to the bathroom, don’t finish the wine without me,” Veronica said. 

“I promise,” Heather said, smiling more than she needed to. 

When she was gone, Heather looked at JD. “Are you--” 

He squeezed her hand. “I promised, didn’t I? That one day I would--” 

“You fulfilled that promise with Bex; you didn’t--” 

“I did,” He said. “She was clearly into you and knowing you nothing would have happened. I did everyone a favor.” 

Heather hugged him. “Thank you, JD.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t fuck it up.” 

“Will you be okay?” She asked. “If Veronica is around?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I’ll deal with it. You guys are good together.” 

“So who’s this guy that invited you to the party?” Heather asked, hoping the answer would be positive, praying that it wasn’t a lie. 

JD pulled out his phone and scrolled to a picture of a friendly-looking guy with buzzed hair and a bright smile. “We met at work.” 

Veronica reentered the room, walking over to see the picture. “He’s cute.” 

“Thanks. Yeah, I think this could be good.” He met Veronica’s eyes, and Heather could see no bitterness. 

_ You’re a better person than me,  _ Heather thought. 

They sat and talked, occasionally playing rounds of CAH when the conversation got slow, until the wine was gone and they had sobered up almost entirely. 

JD folded first. “It’s past midnight and I’m exhausted. Merry Christmas and goodnight.” He disappeared into his room, and Veronica and Heather watched him go. 

It was awkward, suddenly, being alone with Veronica. Moments ago, Heather had been holding Veronica’s hand and smiling into her eyes but now that kind of contact seemed too intimate. 

“I should clean up,” Heather whispered. 

“I’ll help,” Veronica said. 

“Or… It’s not a big deal to leave it for tonight,” Heather said. 

Veronica nodded. 

Neither of them seemed to want to bring up where Veronica would sleep that night, or the sudden weirdness between them. 

“I…” Heather said, just so that there would be some noise. 

Veronica stepped closer to her. “Heather I’m sorry,” She said. “I think… I think I was unfair to you when we were in high school and--” 

“I don’t care,” Heather said. She hadn’t expected an apology, though there had been times when she’d wanted one. Now that she had it though, she wasn’t sure what to do. “It was years ago.” 

Those words didn’t seem sufficient, so Heather ignored the urge to start babbling something else and leaned forward to kiss Veronica. 

It was long, slow, and warm, leaving them both blushing and laughing, their arms wrapped around each other. 

Veronica rested her head on Heather’s shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about that all night.” 

“God, me too,” Heather said, still slightly breathless. 

“I should…” Veronica gestured to the couch. 

Heather chewed her lip, not sure if she was moving too fast. “You could… if you want to you could sleep with me?” 

Veronica smiled and kissed Heather again. “I’d like that.” 


	3. The Kind of Love That Doesn't Break Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this, it was as a gift for a friend, and this ending was for her. I decided to post it here because I'm not going to write another chapter for it, and this was how I wanted it to end. Please read the tags before you read this and say something rude to me, and this chapter will make more sense if you read the first half of chapter two. Enjoy!

Veronica swallowed hard, trying to contain the sharp energy in the air. She felt every breeze on what little skin she had exposed, and her thoughts ran wild, leaving her feeling flighty and panicked.

 _It’s just hanging out at a friend’s house,_ she thought to herself sharply, praying she would believe it, even if only partially.

Of course any kind of calm wasn’t possible. _It’s JD and Heather. The one you let go and the one you never took a chance with. Second chances don’t just happen._

A second chance sounded nice but complicated because of the matter of choosing.

Veronica had never been a decisive person, finding that she enjoyed lingering in the gray area between two options. As long as she didn’t pick one thing or the other, she could stay in that soft place where nothing was absolute.

Picking a college had been a nightmare.

A nightmare JD and Heather had been there for, but Veronica didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to remember sitting on her bed between JD and Heather, mulling over the pros and cons of various schools she’d been accepted to. She wanted to forget JD’s endless support and complete agreement with every point she made, or Heather’s steady practicality that drew Veronica back to earth when she needed it most.

And here she was again, about to walk into their apartment and sit between them with an impossible decision.

She stopped at the door to their apartment, pretending to verify the number JD had texted her, when really, she was trying to stay in the gray for just a little longer. Barely resisting the urge to bang her head against the door to vent frustration, Veronica knocked before she lost her nerve.

Heather opened it, and Veronica had to stop and catch her breath. She was wearing green velvet, and Veronica had to stop herself from reaching out to run her hand down the soft fabric on her arm.

Thankfully, Heather paused for a moment as well, hopefully admiring, but Veronica found her expression hard to read.

“Are you going to let her in?” JD asked from inside the apartment, and Heather startled and opened the door further.

Veronica stepped into a shockingly cozy apartment.

Whatever she would have expected JD and Heather’s design aesthetic to be, it wasn’t this, whose main coordination themes seemed to be soft and warm.

The couch was full and worn so as to be perfectly homey, with a fuzzy blanket tossed artlessly over the back. The pillows hadn’t been chosen with any kind of finesse, but were arranged in a welcoming way, as though they were asking you to lean on them and make yourself at home.

Mismatched chairs surrounded a dining table that must have been second-hand, which had been made up with similarly haphazard plates and glassed. The overall effect of the place was chaotic and messy, yet relaxed.

Veronica thought back to her own narrow bedroom, overfilled with things she didn’t need and constantly messy. It was the epitome of stress and reflected Veronica’s general state of mind too well.

 _I wish I could live here._ The thought appeared in her head, unbidden, and shocked her out of her quiet appreciation.

“Thank you for having me,” She said, leaning on the conventions of manners to avoid blurting out something stupid.

“We’re so happy you could come,” Heather said.

JD stepped out from around the kitchen island holding a bag of chips and a bowl of salsa. “Merry Christmas.”

“I brought wine.” She pushed the bottles towards him, though he didn’t have a hand to grab them until he set the bowl down on the coffee table.

“Hey, Heather!” JD called, more excited than Veronica thought her offering warranted. “She brought gay wine!”

Until that moment, Veronica had completely forgotten the wine her roommate had allowed her to take the day before. “It’s Spanish. My roommate knows the guy whose family makes it, and his parents did it in honor of him coming out or something.”

A nearly identical, wistful, shadow passed over both JD and Heather’s faces. “That’s so sweet,” Heather whispered, picking up the bottle in something like reverence.

“Do we have a corkscrew?” JD asked, brushing past the moment. “This looks way fancier than our usual fare.”

“Our usual fare is whatever we can get free samples of at the grocery store,” Heather deadpanned, going into the kitchen to root around in a drawer.

Veronica tugged on the hem of her sweater, feeling awkward and helpless in the center of the room with nothing to do. She did the best thing to do when one was uncomfortable at a social gathering; she parked herself next to the chips and salsa and began to eat.

JD crossed the room and handed her a glass of wine. Whether by accident or design, his fingers brushed over hers and she felt a tingle, like a soft electric shock run up her arm.

She smiled at him. “Thanks.”

He swirled the wine in his glass, sniffing it dramatically before taking a sip. “I detect notes of old leaves, faintly obscured by the aroma of grapes.”

Veronica couldn’t help laughing at the absurdity of his description, which was the exact kind of pretentious Heather’s parents would have adopted for wine tasting.

Heather laughed too. “You’re full of shit. This is a deep red with dark berry notes and a faint, earthy finish.”

“That’s just better bullshit,” JD said, smiling affectionately at Heather.

She curtsied. “It’s a talent.”

“JD told me you’re in sales,” Veronica said to Heather. She loathed small talk but was terrified of the conversation dying out.

Heather nodded. “It’s boring sometimes, but I like talking to people and I’m good in a competitive field.”

Veronica smiled softly at her. “I know.”

The room felt a little warmer, but in a pleasant way when Heather smiled back. “You’re a publisher, right?”

She could barely contain her snort. “I’m an assistant to an assistant editor; it’s hardly publishing.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s boring sometimes,” Veronica echoed Heather’s words, “But I like books and it’s a good way to get my foot in the door and meet the right people if I ever want to publish anything of my own.”

“Do you write?” JD said, with the same enthusiastic interest he had always shown.

“Sometimes,” Veronica admitted, though she rarely talked about her work. “I published a couple short stories in college, and I’ve started about four novels.” Not that they’d gone anywhere. The unfinished documents were still on her computer, lingering just to mock her.

“What were they about?” Heather asked, her interest slightly more reserved than JD’s, but still genuine.

Veronica’s stock answer— Nothing. It’s like Seinfeld—jumped to mind, but she knew that if anyone could see right through that answer, they were in this room. “Different things. One was a harsh realism book about post-grad life, but it was so depressing I had to stop. The rest I tried to write for teens—it’s a great demographic—but they either felt forced or… too dark.”

“Dark?” Heather said skeptically. “Isn’t YA stuff always super dark nowadays?”

“Yeah, teenagers have an appetite for that kind of shit,” JD said, “They thirst for blood and darkness.”

Veronica and Heather snorted.

“Don’t project.” Heather rolled her eyes.

There was a quiet moment of comradery between them, and Veronica felt a thrill at being included in it. Even if it was just for a moment, it was nice standing between them feeling like she was part of their intense friendship.

The effect was spoiled when a timer went off in the kitchen and they started, stepping away from each other. “I’ll go check it,” Heather said.

“Let me help.” Veronica followed her into the kitchen area, while JD crossed the room and started fiddling with the speaker.

When they were alone, Veronica reached out, daring to catch Heather’s hand. “I know I already said this but thank you for having me. You didn’t really invite me and—”

“We’re glad you’re here,” Heather said, squeezing Veronica’s hand before she blushed and dropped it.

Trying not to read into that, Veronica continued. “Thanks. It’s so nice not to have to spend the holiday alone.”

Heather’s smile was a little wistful. “I know. I used to kind of hate the holidays, but once I stopped going home and just doing whatever with JD, I gained a new appreciation.”

“Is this what you usually do?” Veronica looked around the warm, well-lit apartment with its small tree and abundance of pillows and blankets, feeling that it was a perfect way to spend any holiday.

“Pretty much,” Heather said, bending to retrieve something from the oven. “We do dinner and movies or video games.”

“Is that what’s planned for later?” She tried not to sound too eager.

Heather still caught on and beamed. “If you want.”

Veronica was suddenly struck by Heather’s quiet confidence, which radiated from within and seemed to fill the room. _You’re beautiful_.

The words were on her lips, ready to be said when JD managed to queue up music he liked, and he bounded back over to them. “Ready?”

“Almost,” Heather handed him a bowl of salad and gestured for him to take it to the table. She followed him with another dish, leaving Veronica to carry a basket of bread.

They took their seats, and conversation flowed as quickly and easily as the wine. They joked and teased in such a natural way that Veronica could almost fool herself into believing that the last five years hadn’t happened at all.

Looking between JD and Heather she felt a dull ache in her chest. _I want…_

She was sure she had a crush on one of them, but the decision of which alluded her. She had missed JD’s easy smile and quick humor, but this illuminated Heather was irresistible.

It was the worst and the best gray area she’d ever encountered, and she ignored the pain to linger in it for just a little longer.

 _Why decide?_ She thought, taking another sip of smile and letting out a peal of laughter at something JD had said.

***

JD watched Veronica, his heart pounding.

He wanted to reach across the table and push her hair off her cheek, maybe to affirm that she was real and not some figment of his long-dormant wishes, or possibly because he just wanted to touch her.

Heather was laughing too, pulling attention towards her, and he felt a knife twisting in his chest. The right thing to do would be to back off.

He’d had his chance, and it was only right for Heather to have hers.

Still, he ached just thinking about losing Veronica again, only this time to the million tiny cuts that would result from seeing the girl who was still the girl of his dreams with his best friend.

Was that really what was right? Torturing himself? He wasn’t sure if he could stomach it.

_There’s no winning this._

Veronica caught Heather’s eye and smiled again, light dancing in her dark eyes.

Another pang. Another twist.

It was obvious how much Veronica wanted Heather, and who was he to get in the way of that?

Why did the right thing suck so much?

Ignoring his inner turmoil, JD forced himself to tune back into the conversation.

“My dad is impossible to shop for, this Christmas was such a relief because I didn’t have to get him anything,” Veronica was saying.

“I think it’s a rule that once you become a dad, you have to suddenly be the hardest person to buy a gift for ever,” Heather said.

“This is why my dad and I don’t do gifts. I’ll call him later; he’ll send me money sometime in January when he remembers that he should have sent it weeks ago.”

“January is when all the sales are anyway,” Veronica said, but when she looked at him there was a trace of sympathy and understanding that made his heart twist up, only this time it didn’t hurt.

Was that the same way she was looking at Heather? Was he imagining things or projecting?

It gave him a headache to think of it. He caught Heather’s eye, trying to read her, wishing he could communicate telepathically with her to work this out.

_Which of us is she flirting with? Are we allowed to flirt back?_

Heather didn’t seem to read his thoughts, or if she did she didn’t try to reply. She joked and laughed with Veronica, just as pleasant as could be.

She had no trace of the madness that was eating him up.

 _Veronica makes you stupid,_ He thought. It was as true now as it had been years ago when he’d gotten himself into a mess pretending to date her.

They didn’t finish eating so much as eating slowly dropped off in favor of talking, until Heather suggested a move back to the living room.

“Veronica, why don’t you go pick a movie or something while we clear this up.” Heather gathered a couple plates together.

Veronica jumped up. “I can—”

“You’re a guest; let us take care of this.”

Slightly chastised, Veronica moved obediently into the living room and started flipping through channels.

JD helped Heather clear the table and bring things into the kitchen.

Keeping his voice low, he said, “She’s flirting with you.”

“No! She was flirting with you,” Heather said. For the briefest second, he saw his own plight reflected in her eyes.

JD shook his head. “The way she was looking at you… I don’t think she looked at me like that.”

“Not when you were looking!” Heather groaned, briefly letting her head drop into her hands before she resumed the task of washing dishes. When all else failed, cleaning usually calmed Heather down.

“This is such a mess,” JD said. “How do we figure out which one she’s flirting with. She can’t be flirting with both of us.”

“Are you sure?” Heather said, very cautiously. “Wouldn’t that make things easier though?”

“In what universe?”

“Well… think about it. She could pick us both and then neither of us would lose.” Heather said this as casually as though she was proposing pancakes for breakfast, but JD could see the faint traces of nerves on her face.

JD took a deep breath. “You think we should both date her?”

“I think we could all date each other.”

It was as though a bomb had gone off in his head, and it took several long seconds for him to formulate coherent thoughts.

It was almost too perfect.

It was too perfect.

How many times had he said he loved Heather? How many times had they joked about being the best relationship either of them had ever had, and the only thing keeping them apart was their rather incompatible sexualities.

And yet that hadn’t really stopped their relationship from being very intimate on more than one occasion.

He loved Heather, it was so natural it hardly merited saying. When either of them got into a relationship they became more casual, and tried not to act as close as they often did, but more than one person had broken up with JD because of Heather, fearing that they had to compete with her.

And they both liked Veronica.

And Veronica might like both of them.

He locked eyes with Heather. “Holy shit…”

She smiled, a giddy blush staining her cheeks. “I know.”

They finished cleaning in a dizzy, clumsy rush, eager to return to Veronica. The task of discussing this with Veronica seemed nearly impossible, and yet keeping silent about it would have been far, far worse.

Still, JD’s heart was beating too fast, almost painfully, as he returned to the living room and took a seat on the couch next to Veronica.

Heather sat on her other side.

It was a comfortable couch, though only barely big enough for three people, so they were sitting close enough that JD could smell Veronica’s hair, and the perfume Heather’s ex-girlfriend had gotten for her once.

“ _It’s a Wonderful Life?_ ” JD asked, watching the movie for a minute.

Veronica nodded. “It’s a little cheesy, but I’ve always kind of liked it.”

“Easily the most uplifting movie to ever start with a suicide attempt,” Heather agreed.

JD had never been overly interested in Christmas movies. _Die Hard_ and _Gremlins_ were about as far as he had delved into the vast canon of holiday films, and those were debatable at best. 

He and Heather had built a tradition around watching terrible made for TV Christmas romance movies and drinking, but those were far from classics, and he didn’t completely remember most of them. It was odd to have Veronica here, and to be watching a movie that was—despite its overt sentimentality—actually pretty good. Veronica had never had his and Heather’s love for bad movies, so it somehow made sense that the first time he managed to sit through even part of a classic, she was here.

The movie went on, and it was almost enough to distract him from the nervous flutters in his stomach, which were only slightly more pleasant than the average panic attack.

Still, as the movie played, it felt natural to reach out and wrap his fingers around Veronica’s hand.

She looked up, her lips parting slightly as if she wanted to say something. At that moment though, Heather shifted, resting her head on Veronica’s shoulder.

Veronica stilled, looking between them before she settled in, saying nothing. She kept her grip on JD’s hand, running her thumb over it.

Suddenly, the conversation no longer seemed impossible. In fact, it seemed almost unnecessary.

The movie ended. The credits rolled. The three of them didn’t move.

JD was terrified of breaking a moment that seemed suspended on a glass thread. Any movement might shatter the delicate peace he was rapidly becoming addicted to.

He could picture them all in his mind, wrapped around each other, comfortable and happy.

 _This is right,_ The caption would read. _Stay like this._

Heather moved, stretching up just slightly to press her lips against Veronica’s.

***

Heather’s heart was pounding to an almost absurd degree. She didn’t think she’d been this nervous about a kiss since she was a teenager, and those kisses had been mostly hypothetical.

Now, live and in color, she was kissing Veronica Sawyer and somewhere, her seventeen-year-old self was dancing a marimba.

This wasn’t everything she’d ever wanted, but only because it never would have occurred to her to want this. The word friendship had long ago started to feel inadequate as a descriptor for what she and JD had, though to say it was romantic would be completely wrong.

This—whatever it was—suited that odd middle ground between one kind of love and another, and Heather found that it was as comfortable as her coziest old hoodie. Her hand brushed over JD’s as it slid down to Veronica’s waist, and though that was strange, it too was somehow right.

Veronica pulled away, gasping slightly. “What…”

Heather looked at JD, hoping he would say something. His eyes were on the floor, slightly glazed as he caught his breath.

“Are you… alright with this?” Veronica whispered. Her eyes were soft on Heather’s then they darted to look at JD. “Both of you?”

JD nodded. “It… It’s the best possible option.”

“It’s the only option,” Heather said. The only one that made sense anyway, but Heather didn’t feel like plucking at technicalities.

Veronica still looked unsure. “I can… have this?” She gestured between the two of them, so desperate and hopeful it almost hurt to look at her.

Heather took her hand. “Yes.”

This time, JD kissed Veronica. He sank his fingers into her hair and Heather watched them disappear into the dark curls.

As she looked at them, she searched her heart for jealousy or discomfort, or any indication that this wasn’t the perfect plan she thought it was but found none.

“I missed you,” JD breathed into Veronica’s ear.

There was a slight twinge at that, but Heather knew that there was no way they could have made this work in high school. Five years and several relationships later, they were better equipped to handle the unique challenges of what they were trying to do.

Veronica pulled away from JD to lean into Heather’s chest. “I feel like I’m going to wake up tomorrow having dreamt all this. It’s too good to be real.”

“Real can be good sometimes,” JD said, a small smile playing around his lips.

Veronica eyed him. “Not in my experience.”

“We can change that,” Heather teased, wrapping her arms around Veronica and resting her chin on her shoulder.

“This isn’t like… just a sex thing, right?” Veronica asked, turning to look at Heather. “Not that I wouldn’t be into it, but—”

“We were thinking about us dating,” JD explained. “All of us.”

“How would that work?”

“However we make it work,” Heather said. She reached out and squeezed Veronica’s hand. “We make our own rules now.”


End file.
